Parents want to safeguard their children, but at the same time feel that spying creates feelings of being deceitful and underhanded. We watch our children grow up very quickly into young adults who yearn to have privacy in their daily lives. They should have a safe room to go into and be able to shut the door when they need to be alone or escape from the pressures of a bad day. That doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t be involved. Parents, in my opinion, should know what is causing that stress and be able to circumvent or help alleviate it depending on the situation. Many times, this early action results in finding a solution that resolves the issue before it morphs into something worse. If these situations are not caught early on, the child can build up anger, frustration, and their eventual need to vent can make a bad situation worse.
Children should be respected and have their own privacy to an extent, especially if they are confident, intelligent, well rounded kids. That boundary doesn’t cover digital media or texting, in my opinion. I have no reservations about peeking into cell phones and social media without my children’s knowledge. Look at the times we live in. Our children are exposed to tremendous peer pressure. Yes, we all experienced this growing up in some form or another, but nowhere near the extent that children are bombarded with today. When I grew up, if someone took a stupid, sexy Polaroid, it was rare if more than a small group saw the print. They would giggle and be awed but in the end, got in trouble and returned the evidence and the issue ended.
Unfortunately, that is not the case today. Kids send a photo to a friend via text and within minutes it could be exposed to thousands of views via group chats or other social media. Sites like SnapChat, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, etc. are part of our children’s lives and this is how they communicate without thought of the what ifs. Immediate embarrassment not withstanding, in the digital world these live on forever. When they go for a job interview in 10 years and the company does a due diligence background check, these images will pop up. A stupid mistake made today has a lifetime of implications.
One of my clients, through monitoring, found out that his 12 year old son had a female stalker. 12 years old! We could not imagine this as a possibility years ago. The Internet and pornographic content available to these impressionable kids today is mind blowing. They are shown things as normal that most of us would put in the category of sexually subversive and degrading. No longer do kids seek love and an emotional connection. Sexuality has become something you do just because everyone does it. The songs on the radio are about sex, television shows portray sexual deviance, and everyone does it on the internet with multiple partners. In these times, is raising your children with good parenting, guidance and love enough? To me and many others, monitoring of their digital media and cell phones is the least intrusive way (because they don’t know) to make sure they are safe and dealing with issues properly. Sometimes it is their friends who are the instigators and by catching things early you can figure out how to cut the behavior before it’s too late.
Now as with everything, politics comes into the picture (as if you weren’t worried about enough). Privacy laws in this country change from State to State. Some still allow us to monitor our children who are under the age of 18, living within our household and when we purchased the phone or computer. Check your local laws before considering this or purchasing this type of software.
Cell phone monitoring has become a huge industry and just like anything else can be used for good and bad. Companies who sell this software often are careless about who they sell to or for what purpose and end up violating privacy rights and get shutdown by the Feds. With good software and for the right purpose, you can see the digital online content your children are viewing, the photos and videos they have taken and shared, their texts (even if deleted), their current and past locations, their contacts, etc. Done discreetly, kids are less likely to use counter software or burner phones to keep you from searching their digital footprint.
Here is the deep breath moment for parents considering pursuing this avenue. You have to accept the fact that you are going to read things that you do not like, do not agree with, will be shocking at times, but you will have to grin and bear it. The things you see and find out that are not earth shattering or career ruining must be forgotten. You must to be able to take a step back and delete these small things from your brain. You need to let kids be kids and there will be a fair amount of times where you will be utterly stunned and embarrassed and by what you read. You as a parent must understand that you cannot react to every small situation as difficult as that may be. Kids need the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them and from the experience.
Lastly, in the United States when your child reaches the age of 18 they are considered an adult and monitoring is illegal and must be terminated. You hope and pray as a parent you did your best to teach them right from wrong and to raise them with love, understanding and a drive to make a difference.
